bluetooth connections from the grave



I pull open the car door. Climb in. All the soft blurred in shape lines of my body settle into the soft worn blurred in shape contours of the leather seat. Feel the cold steel metal of the key in my hand as I slide it into the ignition, and turn. The machine stretches and yawns and let’s out a low rumble as it awakens and comes to life.

I sit for a moment in the silent cocoon of the space. Feeling the car stretch and shake out all its limbs. Feeling the vibration of the engine as it pulsates through metal and plastic and leather and skin and muscle and bone.

Silently, and without hesitation, phone and car reach out and search for each other. Mysteriously connecting over the airwaves. Desperate to feel the fingertipĀ touch of current and connection. A heartbeat that allows them to communicate.

I’m sure I haven’t turned on the Bluetooth on my phone.

Silence, suddenly broken. Space, filled with sound. Clear and loud. Urgent. Haunting.

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an’ pretend

Helen Reddy fills my ears my nose my mouth my throat. Fills my lungs. My aching heart. My empty belly.

Oh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain

Without realizing it, tears sting my eyes and cheeks as they pour hot down my face. I feel the power of the notes and words before my brain can wrap around what’s happening.

I’m sure I haven’t turned on the Bluetooth on my phone.

My phone in my purse. On the passenger seat. Out of reach. Connecting to the Bluetooth of the car. The audio player turning on. Connecting. Speaking it’s own love language to the speakers in my car. To my ears. My heart. That empty shattered motherless place.

Her song playing. Her theme song. Filling my car. Filling me. She’s there. In the cocoon of this closed in space. With me. Eyes closed, tears still spilling down my cheeks. Dropping dark wet spots onto my jeans. I sway. Head slowly rolling back and forth. Shoulders following. Reaching for her. Here in this space. Everywhere. Anywhere.

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin’ arms across the land

I’m sure I haven’t turned on the Bluetooth on my phone.

I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

IĀ am sure I haven’t turned on the Bluetooth on my phone.



One thought on “bluetooth connections from the grave

  1. Betsy March 6, 2016 / 8:53 pm

    I feel like I am there with you.
    (and I’ve had similar happen. cuts right through you)
    plus: this is an amazing piece of writing.


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