Life Savers

These are my six life savers
I take them each night
without shame
without fear of judgement
out in the open
not hidden in the bathroom
or the closet
two bring me sleep
two bring me alive
two bring me through
all six allow me to breathe
day in and day out

I supplement these life savers
with meditation
and mindfulness
with yoga
and essential oils
with nature and toes in dirt
with lungs filled with fresh crisp air
with giggles of my children
and kisses from my love
with words that bleed
from my fingertips to the page
these are my six life savers

#noshame #mytruth #thestruggleisreal #depression #anxiety #grief #insomnia #ptsd #mooddisorder #bipolar #breathe #everydamnday #transparent #authentic #connection

fire breathing words

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That feeling you get when your first story starts forming in your head. In your heart. In your body.

The words stream across your mind like a blurry old silent black & white film reel when you close your eyes. You feel sounds become words. Dissociated at first. No order. Just whizzing by like the shots of machine gun fire. Random words working hard to string together and form into cohesive thoughts.

Letters flowing through your veins. Mixing with your oxygen your blood your plasma your marrow your tears your saliva. Picking up tissue and cells along the way. Pieces of you. Ripping them away from you.

Colliding. Combining. Dividing. Multiplying.

Words that bring up feelings that bring up more words. More feelings.

Memories. Whispers. Screams. Tears. Truths.

Colliding. Combining. Dividing. Multiplying.

Senseless at first. Growing bolder and stronger and louder. Taking on a life of their own. Escaping your body through your breath your pores your sweat. Oozing.

Breathing words like breathing fire. Heat and flames. Igniting. Searing.

Swirling. Breathing. Multiplying. Screaming. Burning. Fighting.

Forcing their way to the page. Fighting for their life. For their chance to tell their story.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Live.

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At 41, you’d think I’d know how to breathe, right? I mean, it’s a basic (and necessary!) bodily function. And theoretically, I should have been doing it for the last, well, 41 years. Because if you’re not breathing, you’re not living. And if you’re not living, than what’s the fucking point?

 Breathe in. Breathe out. Live. Continue reading