bluetooth connections from the grave

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I pull open the car door. Climb in. All the soft blurred in shape lines of my body settle into the soft worn blurred in shape contours of the leather seat. Feel the cold steel metal of the key in my hand as I slide it into the ignition, and turn. The machine stretches and yawns and let’s out a low rumble as it awakens and comes to life.

I sit for a moment in the silent cocoon of the space. Feeling the car stretch and shake out all its limbs. Feeling the vibration of the engine as it pulsates through metal and plastic and leather and skin and muscle and bone.

Silently, and without hesitation, phone and car reach out and search for each other. Mysteriously connecting over the airwaves. Desperate to feel the fingertip touch of current and connection. A heartbeat that allows them to communicate.

I’m sure I haven’t turned on the Bluetooth on my phone.

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as no one ever has

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The ocean breeze
flows up the hills
rustling the leaves
bringing with it saltiness
that crusts my cheeks Continue reading

connection, authenticity, vulnerability…oh my!

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I am a writer who lost my voice. What’s a writer with no voice? A tortured soul. An affliction. Like a swimmer who has lost a lung. A pianist who’s lost his hands. Like a singer whose vocal chords have been severed.

The craft was lost. The lifeline cut. The music silenced.

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mirage

Reflections-3

You came to me last night
I saw you there
I felt your warmth
Only I didn’t

I breathed in your familiar scent
I held your smooth delicate hand
I caressed your porcelain soft cheek
Only I didn’t

I smiled into your sparkling eyes
I heard you breathe out my name, the way a mother does
I breathed in the sound of the rasp in your voice
Only I didn’t

Only I didn’t
I remembered you were dead
You were there when I awoke
Only you weren’t

how i do grief, and my serious mad girl crush on Jeanette LeBlanc

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I have a little grief gremlin in my head, he moved in at 3am PST on March 25, 2014….he took up residence¬†while my mama was taking her last breath here on this earth and my heart cracked wide open and a huge gaping hole knocked my world off it’s axis.

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